Clarity = More Confusion

What is clarity anyways? I stand in a hallway full of open doors. The last thing I want to do is sit down and pout. Unfortunately that is where I am. "Life's not fair. It's not supposed to be like this, blah, blah, blah..." I am faced with a decision: Do I shut the doors on my own thusly choosing to invest everything where I am currently, or do I take a flying leap into the unknown? Some might say that this is a poor time for me to be contemplating these things, this has historically been a bad time of year for me. I think there is some truth to that but I can't escape the fact that this has been going on for far too long.

The truth is I wish someone would just tell me what to do. You can think I'm a chicken now, go ahead.

I have been given a work to do. God's calling on my life is sure, but my training is incomplete. I want to grow into all that God has in mind for me to be, I want to fulfill His design for my life. And like it or not I think that it's possible that it may be time for me to move to the next step of my development.

The question of the day: Why?

I don't think I will ever understand why all of this is happening right now. Why is it that at times when I am feeling down and more than a little discouraged with ministry life here that there are so many opportunities to go somewhere else? I would like to think that it might be a little clearer when God calls me to move. Really having never left one position of ministry for another I guess I shouldn't pretend that I know what to expect. What bothers me the most about all of this is that instead of looking at all of these opportunities that have been put in front of me and being excited about what God might be trying to do THROUGH me I get horribly discouraged and ask what is God trying to do TO me. I'm pretty sure that's not exactly what He had in mind but that is my reaction and I think that it makes me not very much fun to be around. It seems that it's only when I forget about all these things that I can relax and have fun but they are so pressing on my mind and heart that I just can't seem to shake it.