the end of me...

I am at the end of me. I can no longer afford to live as the old me. The old me wants to work seven to four and shut off those parts of it's life with the punch of the clock. To put up it's feet at the end of the day with no more cares besides raking the lawn or walking the dog. Sure the old me still needs to worry about providing for it's family and raising it's kids, but it's responsibilities pretty much end there. No, this chapter that lies beyond the end of the old me is much more difficult and mysterious. In this place things happen for different reasons. Reasons with purposes that are far beyond routine and habit. Here things occur that don't make sense to the old me. In fact they are so bizarrely different that the old me is weakened even to the point of death. The old me does not dare to live this way, it cannot survive. This is beyond what it can stand! And so it must die, becuase the real me has been called to more than the old life. The me I was cannot live any longer, it must be defeated. To live victoriously it must be left behind in favor of the reality of serving God with all that I have. To sacrifice comfort and predictability in favor of the God ordained discomfort and mystery. I cannot explain this transition, I can't explain why it must take place beyond this: God has more in store for the new me. Things that the old me wouldn't dream of doing. Things that, if they were to come on the TV, the old me would change the channel. These things are beyond the easy, beyond the comfortable, beyond the normal everyday things that has so consumed my existance that anything else has been explained away as "a little too radical and way too impractical." Practical and normal have very little place in this chapter. I don't know what lies beyond this murky mist but I know that God is in it and He's calling me into it too.